Our Lady Vox

by Fizal Afroze
Originally published in Watch Magazine, May 1996

These days you come across some amazing claims. There is a cleaner that makes stains vanish instantly, a polish that makes scrapyard cars look new, tapes designed to make you smarter, a cream that causes wrinkles to disappear and a dozen studios that promise a new head of hair with the aid of what appears to be spray paint. There's even a lady on late night TV who can read your future.

Against this backdrop of false promises spawned by free enterprise in the form of advertising is a woman who claims she can transform anyone into a professional singer in ten hours. Sounds like another con artist cashing in on peoples' dreams, right? I thought so too, until I checked it out for myself.

To some, Diana Yampolsky is a magician; in reality she's closer to a technician. By trade, Yampolsky is a voice teacher who began studying music in Leningrad, U.S.S.R. (now St. Petersburg, Russia) in 1963.

Now she runs The Royans School For the Musical Performing Arts in North York. Her impressive list of students includes Our Lady Peace frontman Raine Maida and techno artist Monik Garo, whose songs can be heard on HOT 103.5 FM.

But Diana's real claim to fame is identifying the psychology behind singing. To accomplish that, she concentrates on the mind and not the voice. Diana believes that 25% of a singer's skill is based on natural ability, the other 75% is technique, including the use of facial muscles and the abdomen. Diana says it's important to "feel" the words of the song. "Voice is a spirit, it has to be uncovered and discovered," she explains.

Diana says her technique fufils "the impossible, possible dream." Using a high quality microphone, video monitors and a video camera to measure progress, Diana guarantees she can turn a beginner into a pro.

The only caveat Royans offers is that more than ten lessons may be required if you're not yet a "beginner." How's that for possible? Well, at Royans, a beginner means someone who is untrained, but isn't tone deaf. For people like me, who are so afflicted, Diana has assembled a team whose skill lies in so-called "pretuning." Once that's done (it'll take around ten hours), she can teach you to sing.

Anyone who doubts Diana's powers can arrange an introductory sessions which costs $39 and lasts a little more than an hour. During mine, Diana told me a story about a tone deaf student who came in for one lesson before disappearing for a full year. When they returned, having spent 12 months "tuning" their tone deaf ear, Diana says even she was astounded at the difference.

So does it work? Well, as a result of my recent leap of faith I've been ordering some of the products I've seen on late night TV. Unfortunately, my neighbour still has that bald spot, my father's car caught on fire, and my mother is upset about the way the cleaner stained her carpet, despite JoJo's prediction that this was unlikely. The point is, not everything lives up to its hype.

As for Royans, I'm still not convinced we can all learn to sing. And there are some people who are content just to sing in the shower or hum along to a tune. But I do believe that if anyone can turn a screecher into a swan it's Diana.

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